Today I was thinking about the church. I am myself a member of the church, and continue to think about this often. Many times this includes thoughts of frustration, thoughts of judgment and thoughts of wondering if I do want to claim to be a member of an organization which often times, to be frank, I wonder if I agree with the decisions which are being made, morally and biblically. Especially being in seminary, I am CONSTANTly aware of the church and the things which are harmful to humanity's perspective of God through the physical display of churches. I think that part of the constant struggle which I have with the church , when I boil it down, comes down to my OWN pride, my own internal battles and my own insecurities in facing things that God is desiring to teach me. There are so many sources of hearing God's voice on a daily basis, which from what I have experienced is a combination of listening to friends and hearing their thoughts, filtering those out, pondering over them, and then dicing it out with God through prayer throughout the process.
As I have been thinking about the church, this is a thought which has been occurring to me repeatedly. In my frustration with the OTHER people who I go to church with, it is actually MY problem. I think it has been easier for me to categorize my thoughts as frustration with THE church in general, but when I do this, I start picturing the faces of individuals who are part of the church of which I am a member. These are individuals who have called me when I have been ill, who have given me rides when my car broke down, who have invited me over to their home countless Sundays for lunch, (this for a broke graduate student is the TRUEST form of grace to be displayed). I realized tonight that there are always going to be issues which arise within anytime a group of humans (who have faults and sin) gather together in any type of organization and try to come to somewhat of a mutual understanding of how to form a community. I will continue to have issues within whatever church I am a part of, but the thing that became ubber clear to me tonight is that THE Church, the one that I actually care about the most, is that I am a follower of Jesus Christ, who is the ultimate church and ultimate community of which the community of followers stretches throughout the world and spans across all languages and races.
This church is one which does not discriminate based upon age, denomination, ethnicity, number of years that an individual has experienced grace, etc.
This realization of how much broader the church was a good reminder tonight. The story which actually made this central to my thoughts today was that I was blessed with the chance to meet with my friend Katie tonight and have some bomb Mexican food in the quaint town of Chino Hills. Katie and I met in 5th grade in Woodinville. This faithful woman was one of the pivotal sources of why I am now attending seminary at the age of 23 years old. Her perseverance to invite me to youth group, to show me a different kind of friendship than one I had EVER known before, as she was the person who LIVED out the grace of Jesus Christ to me early on. Her pursuit of friendship with me IS one of the ways that God spoke to me and called me to a place where I realized I would not ever be able to do anything on my own. My nice actions and thoughts were dandy, but let's be honest, I found out I couldn't run on those devices for very long. It makes me feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel. Katie and my life took different paths, as she moved away to California, and I continued to live in Woodinville. There were periods within this shift where I questioned and fought with God about why a friend this amazing would be taken away. God's answers seem to come way later than I always like. ;)
Tonight, 12 years later, we are now living like an hour away from one another. I have been really lucky to be able to hang out with her every once in a while. We spent the night talking, and much of our conversation is something that I felt was cool to share. Through a lot of our conversation we talked about our own struggles with being a part of the church, with churches we have been a part of in the past, and shared honestly with our own assumptions and how preferences interact with what places we end up staying at, where we end up leaving.
Somewhat near the end of the conversation we both agreed on one point. Sitting at a Mexican restaurant in sunny Ca, we had first been a part of church in 5th grade for a little while. Yet, tonight we were the physical display of THE church, the followers of Christ, who regardless of what denomination we affiliate with, without needing to sit in any building, WE were two girls, sitting and chatting, being the church. All this to be said, I think that often times believers will first ask what church another believer goes to, yet my question tonight is: does it truly matter? Why spend the time talking about what church you go to, why not talk about what you have seen God do today, what things you are struggling with today, and what people (including yourself) that you can ask that person to pray for, and what community across the world you can spend time praying for?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
the adventures of blogging
Hi friends,
The start to this blog has been building... and finally it has arrived! After much thought.... of realizing how much writing needs to be a part of my life, in the sense that it not only benefits me, but my hope is that some words mean something to you, the people i love the most as well. Plus, I am just so gosh darn busy that it is nice to share bits and pieces with you, besides getting to hear all y'alls voices on the phone. ;)
Today I wanted to start with something that I have been mulling over quite a bit in my head. I went to a coffee shop this afternoon after work to do some reading, and on my way over there, I rode down my local street, (which is not one which my roommate would be thrilled to know that I am riding alone down. ;) As I rode past complexes of apartments, there were many individuals sitting alongside the road. I had an awakening today about how in the midst of where I live, just blocks from me, there is immense poverty. There are a number of individuals who I pass by daily on this street, and often times try to look past their faces, because I tend to see how much behind their faces, there is a story. There are so many of these individuals, all who I tend to lack an understanding of their story, what contributed to them ending up in Pasadena. Do they have family members that are alive, is there someone looking for them today?
So, this all exists. Then... there is the the contrast which remains very prominent for me. I had just gotten off from work, where orientation was occurring. There was a pletheora of resources and food, even TOO much food, when only blocks away, there are individuals who are incredibly thankful for anything that is recieved, because they don't know where this next resource will be offered. This is where the contrast and gap between having access to resources, and lacking access to these resources stands out like a blinding light to me. I think that I am continuously grateful for the opportunity that i have been given to study at seminary, yet a part of me wonders and struggles with the fact that as I sit in a classroom, filling my head with knowledge about the resurrection, there may be a woman that I could be speaking with on the street. Although the complexity of this is immense, as the limitation which becomes present is the fact that I, in my tiny tiny tiny context can't see the grander narrative which exists. I think the narrative which is currently going on within the world, within the kingdom which God created is soo much more vast than is comprehensible. Yet, even still, the question is there. I don't know if I would be able to understand or contain the answer to this question... and this may be part of the reason why I, and we, as humans, are not offered an answer to this.
As I continued to ride to the coffeshop, the second part of my experience was INCREDIBLUOUS! I sat down next to 2 individuals who were having a conversation, and slightly eavesdropping, it didn't take long for me to catch on to the fact that these men were in fact 2 men who were a sponsor and a sponsee in a personal AA meeting at the local coffee shop. From the brief bit which I overheard, there was an incredible amount of honesty and openness which was shared within their conversation. These two men, sat facing one another, sipping their coffees, sharing things with one another, that I don't know if I would tell my bestest bestest friend. I thought to myself, how often does my honesty with my friends and others around me reflect this amount of willingness to be open to an amount of feedback where the "Stuff" of my life is present, displayed and in plain sight for someone to respond to, and for me to be willing to truly take this feedback, filter it, and discern through it, and then THIS is the hardest part, Make CHANGE.
change kind of reminds me of the smell which happens when you like seriously need to take out the garbage cuz you made broccoli and the WHOLE kitchen smells like broccoli. ;)
I don't like change, because once I get comfortable I want to stay comfortable. Yet, I realized today that comfort is something that really, I am able to see because of the resources I for some reason have. This definition of comfort has been established for me because of what I do have. So, all of this to be said, I think that the amount of dedication which I saw these men display to eachother was unheard of. THIS is what life if I am living to look like. It needs to look like these men who were sitting with one another, sharing back and forth with one another, what has worked for each one of them, and what has not worked.
These two stories are merely a reflection of a piece of what was occurring on a local street in Pasadena this afternoon. Community being formed, community needing to be established, and a lack of connection occurring, with a strong bond of connection holding up 2 men together.
These stories are ones that I desire to be telling, because I think those who often are in the most challenging places of their lives often speak the most to us who start to feel comfortable. And this reminds me of a man who seemed to be uncomfortable ALOT. Jesus.
I hope that this post is a start to a blog which brings laughter, light, tears and please, and YOU to the page. If you would please write comments, that would rock.... that would be awesome the more community that comes from anything like this!
Love to all, Sandra
The start to this blog has been building... and finally it has arrived! After much thought.... of realizing how much writing needs to be a part of my life, in the sense that it not only benefits me, but my hope is that some words mean something to you, the people i love the most as well. Plus, I am just so gosh darn busy that it is nice to share bits and pieces with you, besides getting to hear all y'alls voices on the phone. ;)
Today I wanted to start with something that I have been mulling over quite a bit in my head. I went to a coffee shop this afternoon after work to do some reading, and on my way over there, I rode down my local street, (which is not one which my roommate would be thrilled to know that I am riding alone down. ;) As I rode past complexes of apartments, there were many individuals sitting alongside the road. I had an awakening today about how in the midst of where I live, just blocks from me, there is immense poverty. There are a number of individuals who I pass by daily on this street, and often times try to look past their faces, because I tend to see how much behind their faces, there is a story. There are so many of these individuals, all who I tend to lack an understanding of their story, what contributed to them ending up in Pasadena. Do they have family members that are alive, is there someone looking for them today?
So, this all exists. Then... there is the the contrast which remains very prominent for me. I had just gotten off from work, where orientation was occurring. There was a pletheora of resources and food, even TOO much food, when only blocks away, there are individuals who are incredibly thankful for anything that is recieved, because they don't know where this next resource will be offered. This is where the contrast and gap between having access to resources, and lacking access to these resources stands out like a blinding light to me. I think that I am continuously grateful for the opportunity that i have been given to study at seminary, yet a part of me wonders and struggles with the fact that as I sit in a classroom, filling my head with knowledge about the resurrection, there may be a woman that I could be speaking with on the street. Although the complexity of this is immense, as the limitation which becomes present is the fact that I, in my tiny tiny tiny context can't see the grander narrative which exists. I think the narrative which is currently going on within the world, within the kingdom which God created is soo much more vast than is comprehensible. Yet, even still, the question is there. I don't know if I would be able to understand or contain the answer to this question... and this may be part of the reason why I, and we, as humans, are not offered an answer to this.
As I continued to ride to the coffeshop, the second part of my experience was INCREDIBLUOUS! I sat down next to 2 individuals who were having a conversation, and slightly eavesdropping, it didn't take long for me to catch on to the fact that these men were in fact 2 men who were a sponsor and a sponsee in a personal AA meeting at the local coffee shop. From the brief bit which I overheard, there was an incredible amount of honesty and openness which was shared within their conversation. These two men, sat facing one another, sipping their coffees, sharing things with one another, that I don't know if I would tell my bestest bestest friend. I thought to myself, how often does my honesty with my friends and others around me reflect this amount of willingness to be open to an amount of feedback where the "Stuff" of my life is present, displayed and in plain sight for someone to respond to, and for me to be willing to truly take this feedback, filter it, and discern through it, and then THIS is the hardest part, Make CHANGE.
change kind of reminds me of the smell which happens when you like seriously need to take out the garbage cuz you made broccoli and the WHOLE kitchen smells like broccoli. ;)
I don't like change, because once I get comfortable I want to stay comfortable. Yet, I realized today that comfort is something that really, I am able to see because of the resources I for some reason have. This definition of comfort has been established for me because of what I do have. So, all of this to be said, I think that the amount of dedication which I saw these men display to eachother was unheard of. THIS is what life if I am living to look like. It needs to look like these men who were sitting with one another, sharing back and forth with one another, what has worked for each one of them, and what has not worked.
These two stories are merely a reflection of a piece of what was occurring on a local street in Pasadena this afternoon. Community being formed, community needing to be established, and a lack of connection occurring, with a strong bond of connection holding up 2 men together.
These stories are ones that I desire to be telling, because I think those who often are in the most challenging places of their lives often speak the most to us who start to feel comfortable. And this reminds me of a man who seemed to be uncomfortable ALOT. Jesus.
I hope that this post is a start to a blog which brings laughter, light, tears and please, and YOU to the page. If you would please write comments, that would rock.... that would be awesome the more community that comes from anything like this!
Love to all, Sandra
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